Weekend Eve, DEFCON Nerd

Standup Thursday

Heads-up Standup Commentators, for the best Jake and Duane, use the FREE K-TALK app on a smartphone, not a Hillary or Trump device. Also, please know dear friends, Jake resists historical education on Thursdays.

News Blurb

From local FOX 13. BYU relaxed its Honor Code policies in response to protests. Result: “You don’t have to got to church, but you’d better act like it,” said Jake. This change is only applicable to main campus attendees because the law school is there.

Standup Jake: “Forcing others to do things, or think in certain ways, destroys society.”

Tony Perkins, president of Family Research Council believes natural disasters are caused by the existence of gay people. Tony’s house was recently destroyed in such a disaster. Does this mean Tony has tendencies?

DEFCON NERD | Guest Scott Jarvie, Photographer

Rio has the Olympics, but Salt Lake City has the Photography DecathlonSeptember 23-24. Founder and Mormon temple photo-takin’ Scott Jarvie, warmly invited all-comers to SLC’s one and only, collaborative photography competition, Photography Decathlon.

Deca, which means ten, introduces ten competitive photographic style categories in the bout. “It’s an amazing race that goes a little crazy, mixed with a Tough Mutter, Ragnar team-thing,” said Jarvie, “You don’t have to run, just take pictures.”

According to Jake, an award-winning Decathlon participant, “September’s Decathlon is the first legit competition, and all photographers are welcome.”

“It’s diversity of photography styles,” said Jarvie.

Jake: South Park isn’t dogma, is it? Should a Cliches and Cultural Appropriations category be added to this year’s Photography Decathlon? What do you think?

And, does a beard make you a man? Does the Mission ever truly end?

Reality Check: Natural Selection is always worthy digression.

Regarding Decathlon questions on the Street Photography category, “Life in all of its aspects, not just human life, anything that exists in that area is fair game,” said Jarvie. “Photography doesn’t have to be a living, it can be art.”

Scott Jarvie’s Temples

“The challenge is, you still have to find the shot,” said Jake. “The Photography Decathlon is photography gamefied.”

Providing insight into what started it all, Jarvis added, “It began when photographers got together on Google+, and then it happened in real life in places like Death Valley for a whole week.”

“Pokemon is speed-dating for dorks,” commented Jake. Scott with 132 Pokemons, has all but ten. “After two years on the road with my thoughts,” said Jarvie, “Photography Decathlon is explore, create, and compete.”

Malia Obama was Meant to Get Caught

Tinfoil-hat Tuesday

Before the show, Jake advised tonight’s content would be conspiratorial. A cracking, fabulous word that begs to know what’s on the menu. Duane said nothing as he arrived because we didn’t talk. Merriam-Webster’s simple definition of conspiratorial:

Involving a secret plan by two or more people to do something that is harmful or illegal, of or relating to a conspiracy; suggesting that something secret is being shared.

Before we go further, let me introduce myself. Call me DJ Word. No kidding, please do. For lack of a better description, I’m a peripheral co-consiprator, here to help Standup Commentators like you, gain maximum Standup benefits.

Bottom Line Commentary: Get Government out of Tennessee Coffee-bean laws.

Which is to say, Jake only supports total disarmament if both military and law enforcement are included. Duane’s retort was, “Bible throwing beats bullets,” which means holy rollers will be fighting to measure bible sizes. It’s Bible-bashing taken to a new level.

In homage to the period, remember to visit us on K-TALKmedia[period]com.

While super-sizing Standup for the First Amendment, Jake asked if he should change his name to Jake “The Cosmic Serpent,” and put it on his license plates. Let us know your thoughts.

Is John Kerry a Chump for Trump? Should Brother Keith Ellison from Minnesota be the next President? How ’bout we open up to include, LBGQ-Muslims?

Madden’s only viable candidates are Hilary Clinton and Gary Johnson, to which Elaine commented, “If you don’t have a sense of humor, you’re a bore.”

How ’bout a Standup Commentary coffee-shop tour? Should Jake and Duane take the show on the road, or hit the Hog Wallow Pub in Cottonwood Heights? They’d love to. Let us know.

Fun Fact: Paul’s full name is Paul Duane Jensen, after his Dad. Duane enjoys royalties from impersonators on Facebook. (Not really, but he should, right?)

Standup Idea: Micheal Moore is the Sean Hannity of the Democratic Party.

Today’s Neck Deep Theory: Malia Obama was meant to get caught smoking herb.

Follow-up Question: Should it be harder or easier for a president’s kids to get that special kind of smoke?

Jake’s Tinfoil-hat Theory: Historical accuracy is racially micro- and macro-aggressive. What the…?

Conspiracy Theory: Beastiality is legal in more states than marijuana. See Schedule 1 FDA status change for Marijuana, patent 6630507.

Mexico Conspiracy: U.S. skunks are stealing into Mexico. Trump will make them pay for it.

Hippy Conspiracy: Hippy tribal wars will overrun street corners. Short-shorts are coming back.

JFK Foul-ball Theory: JFK was taken from us by Joe DiMaggio abetted by his wife, Marilyn Monroe.
JFK Conspiracy 2: JFK died secretly of syphilis because it makes you crazy.
JFK and Jackie: Abraham Zapruder’s film was fake. JFK didn’t die, and was last seen on Jackie Onassis’ yacht.

Take a look, and comment next show, at 801-254-5855.

Voldemort was mentioned, at which point Louie, who may be an Illuminati representative called to comment, “Jake and Duane are on lists, lots of lists.” There was a row in the studio, and we’re not sure what happened. Duane argued the Illuminati organization is well beyond a city government’s ability to manage any type of plan, and therefore, its existence is suspect.

Conspiracy LSD: Purportedly, the U.S. government once released LSD into American subways.

Skywalker Theory: Mark Hamil visited Salt Lake’s Poplar Street Pub where he was harassed by regulars, who greeted him saying, “We don’t like you. Our friends don’t like you.”

12-Minute Strange

Standup Saturday

At the 12-minute mark, things get strange. Downright awkward.

Jake didn’t remember a commercial change during a show segment. According to Duane, “It felt like a first date when you don’t know what to say, when dinner runs long and you kinda’ want it to be done.”

The word ‘awkward’ is used here repeatedly, to make a point about radio opportunity. When was your last awkward conversational moment?  If it was truly awkward, please share it during our next show.

Such awkward moments can be intense, you know? Where do you look when you have nothing to say? As you clock the nearest exit, drawn-out moments feel like fishhooks.  You calculate a launch trajectory, hiding your escapist thoughts behind a coy smile. Your hand twitches for your keys, but you reach for your glass to hide it. Tablecloths won’t save you, not this time.

We’ve all known great hairy, pregnant pauses between last bite and final check. It’s a very special part of dinner, Paul says, “it’s that weird, awkward time.”

There’s relief in talk radio. Stay tuned at AM630. Listen online at our new website, KTALKMedia.com. If you’re wondering why Paul is missing, ask him about that photo, and a Crenshaw piggyback ride next show, 801-254-5855.  The reveal is on the way.

Jake comes from a world of awkward silences. Ask him during a live show, weekdays, 6 – 8 PM MST.  Such moments are why Jakes loves talk radio, where word vomit can be therapeutic. Jake loves the vacuum of a word-starved moment—it’s irresistible stuff for incurables, like Jake and Duane. Not knowing what to say doesn’t faze them.

The message is simple, “When it comes down to it, it’s okay to believe what you want,” said Paul Duane. “That makes America beautiful.”

Jake completely supports a woman president, but do boobs work?

Finally, dear friends, Jake cares only about how people present their beliefs, not necessarily the beliefs themselves. The only wasted vote, is a vote different than Jake’s.

Jake says, he might cast a vote for Gary Johnson—the only man in the political fight. A superstar underdog in this game of thrones, Johnson is the president sane people should root for, a man with more executive experience than all mainstream opponents combined.

We’d like to know more about Johnson, and why he chose Utah as campaign headquarters.  Wouldn’t you?


Wars on Drugs, Cash Law and Voter Rights

Standup Wednesday

“I love you because you make people laugh,” said Jake’s one-and-only superfan, Elaine. She might also be Jake’s Mom, the only person who supports him in the world.

Harvey added, “I hate ya’, as much as I love ya’.”

“If you fish for compliments long enough, they will come,” said Jake.

Commentary Question: Is the DEA pumping us for cash with Cash Laws designed to make us complaisant slaves?

Deathly Coincidences

Wikilinks founder, Julian Assange offers 20K reward for information on the Seth Rich murder, a DNC staffer shot in the back on his way home.

John Lucas, died 2 Aug. after bringing DNC lawsuit on behalf of people who donated to DNC (a.k.a. Hillary).

Victor Thorne, writer of four Anti-Clinton books, dies on a Pennsylvania mountain-top, 1 Aug.

According to Town Hall News, a former U.N. Assembly president, died mysteriously 22 June, a mere few days before pre-trial dealings of a former Clinton crony.

If someone could help me pronounce some of those names, maybe we could also explain why all these people are dying around this issue.

“We should call them “hung-lo,” said caller, Larry. “If not that, call them something else.” I suggested we table the idea for further review.

I have to support Hillary, to support my family. I used to be hard on Hillary supporters. I have to get in-line by November because I’ve realized, dead people are voting, and they’re only likely to vote, for certain candidates. Do you stand up for Voter Rights? (Voting Rights Act)

FYI to you Mormons: “Anti-DNC lives matter!” doesn’t mean Hillary Clinton’s personal Doctrine ‘n’ Covenants. Sorry.

Stay tuned for free Million Dollar Ideas, every Wednesday.

If no one wants to punch you for it, you’re not Open-Carrying your First Amendment right. Remember, Standup Commentary breaks all the politically correct rules.  Then again, if Hillary takes the guns, it might be over.

Pinch Hit: If you find out mid-story that you don’t really have anything to say, take it somewhere so extreme people will be rolling their eyes for the next day and a half.

Conspiracy Theory: “Hooking and bank robbery are good story staples,” said Harvey. “When the big fish is in the river, “Hillary Clinton is not a good kid.”

Clever media can spin things any way they want. I say, weapons of war exist because of black markets created by drug wars. In other words, I think, when Hillary complains, she’s really talking about drug wars, but she doesn’t seem to know that.

Today’s journalistic state-of-affairs seems to be, “Hackers reveal, journalists conceal.” What do you think?

As I flirt with the idea of liberty, the year 1777 mints fresh in my mind. A complacent society under Britain. The Founding Fathers would be appalled.

Commentary Question: If Trump can run Ms. USA, does that make him the only qualified candidate to run the country Clinton may have been a womanizer, but Trump brings hot sauce to the White House, for which I salute him.

Regarding that DNC-thing. I think, dead people will decided the next Presidential election. I’d go to the expanding voting rights staffer for advice on this, but he got shot.

I’d like to put Mom’s in charge of the country, but too many of them are TV slaves.

Scriptures: A Story of Our Time

We think scriptures are from long ago and if we find the evidence of the historicity that would make them true.  Or conversely if we find that they are not historical then that would make them un-true.
I don’t think that way, not at all.  I see the truth within scriptures by connect them to our day, through metaphor and direct example.  Jesus always taught in parables and I believe the stories weaving through the old testament, new testament, book of mormon and doctrine & covenants (the latter two scriptures within Joseph Smith’s mormonism) to be excellent mirrors of our modern hero’s journey, collectively and individually.  Then again, I also believe the Star Wars plot to be a prophetic hero’s journey as well, but I digress.
After Moses went up Mt. Sinai to speak with God the Egyptian born Israelites craved their own connection with God. They were never taught how to connect to anything but a material god so they did the best thing they knew how, they melted all their gold, sacrificed their personal vanities and piled it all together as a community and fashioned a golden animal. It probably felt great to them… to finally have church again now that cranky old Moses was up the mountain. (Old Testament, Genesis Chapter 19)
Little did they know that Moses was about to get peeved, big time. They weren’t ready to meet God, they wanted something to worship so Moses gave them rules in the form of the Ten Commandments.
The first commandment is about not using the Lords’s name in vain. Which we violate every single day by using money with Heavenly Father’s name on it… why? Because we worship it, blindly, openly, and with full confidence in ourselves, just like the Egyptian-Israelites and their golden idol. So since we can’t even follow the ten commandments we immediately start creating allllll sorts of new rules for the community at large to follow and pretend that makes us righteous.  We worship those rules and blatantly use God’s name in vain, constantly, and as a matter of pride.
I tend to think that worshipping the rules, and enforcing moral rules onto other people are sins of false pride. I watch rule worship ingrained in our society on every level and see plainly how a highly regimented life can’t flow with God, they simply can’t. If Nephi had led a regimented life and worshipped rules over God he would have never acquired the brass plates (Book of Mormon, 1st Nephi Chapter 3)
We came here to shine a light in a darkness, staying away from darkness at all costs casts away our very purpose. Rules keep us safe, yes, but God keeps us safer. Even Jesus experienced darkness, it may have been the final step to becoming perfect (New Testament, Matthew 26:36-56, Mark 14:32-52, Luke 22:40-53 and John 18:1-11).
Rule worship is the modern Golden Idol. Man made, hand crafted rules… rules so serious that our churches have lobbying firms to make sure the government is fully armed to enforce them. It’s almost as if I’ve heard the sales pitch before… if we can force everyone to be righteous then we will have Heaven and everyone will be there. (Doctrine and Covenants, Section 29)
The problem is, that sort of mindset is what created the need for a hell…

Evolution is the evidence. Love is in the name.

Evolution proves the existence of God emphatically.

Don’t believe me? well buckle up.

God is LOVE. Tell me anyone that denies this fact and I will punch them in the face. Love is the only thing God can be, and some will say that God is also Hate because of what is done in his name. Yes. God is Hate too, in a way, for everything has it’s reflection. If Love is on one side of the coin then hate is on the other. The other side of God exists, as real as God, and it is hate usually counterfeited as God. GOD is of course both sides of the whole, for how can he not be? The Hebrew meaning of the word perfect is less like perfection and more like completion. Our idea of God having to be perfect to be God is a very new idea, and a poor one. She must be whole, the two sides of divinity are represented by Father in Heaven and Mother Earth.

The only way to experience love is to experience it’s opposite. That is why we are here. It might just be this simple, we love ourselves back to God. I am blessed with so many inspiring souls in my life, like endless amounts. It humbles me to my core and makes me feel like dust. Like dirty dust in the face of love. I’m an introvert playing the part of an extrovert and doing my best to hide from myself. Maybe they are right, maybe the blood moon IS the beginning of the new world. Viva la evolution!


Do you support the black market?

Make no mistake, the war on drugs is a war on civilians. The black market is a dangerous, very powerful entity in this state and it makes a LOT of money. The black market absolutely, positively, do not want drugs to be legal or regulated. They are doing just fine in the current environment, thank you very much. A vote to keep marijuana UNregulated and ILlegal is a vote to protect the black market.

Pure and simple, let’s call it like it is…if you oppose legalizing marijuana then at least you and the drug dealers that won’t ID your kids have one thing in common. You both oppose legalizing a plant.

The Muse

A comedian that laughs at their own jokes is a lot like that person that cries at their own talk at church.

I am both of those people.

Many times when a joke slips out of my mouth it’s just as new to me as it is to the audience. Sometimes, as you might have guessed, I have no idea where my mouth is taking us but I do have trust that inspiration will guide us to something, juicy.

Today I want to talk about the power of the muse, the invisible inspiration of the ancient greeks whose works of arts of transcended centuries and remain with us today. Supremely beautiful, almost surreal craftsmanship. How was this possible? It was because the artisians responsible for creating the works were never celebrated as the ones responsible, it was their muse that created the works through their hands. When we release ego from artistic creations they shine in a way they could never shine before… the problem with me is I’m in constant battle with my ego, a battle that hides in the shadows of my heart if I try to deny it.

If we live in a world where inspiration exists then we must know something about the bright light of ideas, they always leave a shadow. For a radio show host that shadow is ego, ego leads to jealousy of new ideas, jealousy of new ideas leads to a closed mind, a closed mind leads to an audience of closed minded zombies, and an audience of closed minded zombies becomes food for an ego that spirals out of control.

So what’s the other side? Letting go. Letting go and jumping into the flow. Giving over to the muse, to the trickster, to the inspiration that wafts through the air. Giving into it and letting it take us where it wants to go becomes a joy ride for at least myself and hopefully the audience as well.

On Standup Commentary we are all learning to surf this flow together, won’t you join us?

Thou Shalt Not Worship the Material World

The blinding is over, the veil is lifting and this week on the show we are kicking in the doors of the seemingly rational world of science and exploring the completely irrational insistence that science be confined to the material world.

“The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena, it will make more progress in one decade that in all of the previous centuries of its existence.”Nikola Tesla

The religion of science, as taught by our government schools, succeeds brilliantly in addicting many minds to the world of the five senses. The worshipping faithful can be so entrenched in the dogma of materialism that many otherwise intelligent souls even demand material proof of God while remaining willfully blind to the prevalent proofs available outside the world of five senses as testified by countless prophets, mystics, and artists for millennia.

“My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists.”Nikola Tesla

Like religion, science is a tool, yet over time as our beliefs become fractured by assumptions, new beliefs are born from seeds of mass persuasion; as these beliefs become dear to our egos, egos which cannot comfortably be wrong, the beliefs are entrenched, defended and institutionalized.  This is the process by which a belief becomes dogma.  Unfortunately, it is by sad historical precedent that we know dogmas breed and grow in our media, in our religions, and yes in our sciences. Over time, like a cancer, if they are not excised they destroy the institutions originally intended to present and preserve truths.

A simple word for dogma is assumption and there has been an assumption in science that matter is the only reality.  Which is why so many scientists have looked for consciousness inside the brain, as if the matter of our bodies is responsible for generating our thoughts, rather than the other way around.

The truth is it was in 1918 that Max Plank outlined what would become quantum theory and he regarded, in his own words, “matter as a derivative from consciousness.”  Many experiments in quantum mechanics, like the double slit experiment (see below), seem to suggest that conscious thought plays a role in the physical world in ways we failed to imagine.

“Looking for consciousness in the brain is like looking in the radio for the announcer.” – Nassim Haramein, director of research for the Resonance Project

Of course, many say this work in the quantum world defies application in the physical world of the five senses. Yet, consciousness, the most important aspect of our reality, since it is the filter everyone experiences reality through, cannot be identified in the physical world. Since the link between our consciousness and the quantum world is becoming more firmly established I declare that the quantum world has much more application than we realize. I further declare that conscious, non-material, thoughts have more power than the religion of science has here-to-for imagined.

“As above, so below,” is ancient teaching that has showed up again and again in many religious and mystical practices. Could it be that the world of the unseen, unknowable is responsible for our reality. Do our thoughts become real via faith?

I say yes… let’s talk about it on the show. Live on the air today, 2-4 PM. Call in at 801-254-5855. Listen live at AM630 on the wasatch front, with the Ktalk radio app, or at www.k-talk.com